A letter to my alcoholic parents.

Today’s piece is from Sarah, and is a letter to her alcoholic parents. Remember Nacoa is always here if you want to talk to someone in trust.


 

Dear mum and dad,

It’s been a while since I last spoke to you both openly, to be honest I don’t think I ever have which is quite sad as parents are meant to be the ones you turn to for anything but with you two that isn’t the case. Iv been living independently since I was 18 but looking back I was independent since I was 13,living with you dad and looking after your drunkenness, I had to grow up way before I was ready, I won’t lie it’s been the hardest few years of my life but iv made it to uni. Are you proud? I hope you are.
Dad, remember when you used to go mad at me for keeping to light on? I know find my self a little Scrooge iv realised these things come at a cost. Dad remember when you used to pick me up form school and we’d go to the sweet shop then the park? I miss that.

Dad, remember when I was always a big dreamer and wanted to be like Britney Spears I would dance around making you watch my dance routines? Well that career didn’t go to plan, but know I’m at uni can you believe it? Me the one who hated school. I’m hoping to go into a career that helps children who were like me young carers. I still don’t think you realise what you put me through back then, all those sleepless nights waiting till you were back safe even if it was drunk then I never could get up for school.

Dad do you know how you ruined my teenaged years with your addiction I had to grow up long before I was ready but for that thank you, you taught me how to be a survivor, that life is god dam hard and the people who we think won’t let us down do. But dad thank you for trying you best to bring me up, being a single parent must of been hard, you could of given me up and put me in care but you didn’t you fought for me and brought me up until your addiction took over. I love you and miss you loads.

Mum, I don’t really know what to say as you have never been there for me you abandoned me when I was born and didn’t fight for me but thank you for teaching me how to treat my future kids when I have them. Parents both of you, thank you for teaching me taking drugs and drinking ruins lives breaks families apart and gives no one a life worth living. Thank you for teaching me to be ambitious. Your example showed to that not having an ambition for education or work is very harmful and can lead to not a lot of self worth. Your example showed me life is about choices and that I didn’t need to make the same ones as you did.

Thank you for teaching me not to be so easily embarrassed, you both have not made the best choices that have sometimes gone very public allowed people I associate with to know what you both are like but that has given me the opportunity to speak openly about how my life has been growing up. Until my last year of high school I tried to have a alter ego, people didn’t need to know the circumstances I was in in fact if they’d find out I’d probably of died on the spot because I created my self to be something I wasn’t I didn’t want anyone knowing of your addictions. In fact the one thing that kept me sane was thinking people didn’t know the truth, they probably did but I brainwashed my self in to thinking they didn’t.

Life is not sunshine and rainbows thank you for teaching me life is unfair, people disappoint you and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it, a lesson well learnt from both of you.

Thank you for not waving goodbye to me when I went to prom, thank you for not being there when I got my exam results to say well done, thanks for not being there when I didn’t see any light or hope in my life and I needed you to tell me it was going to be ok l, thanks for not being there when I go into university because it made me a survivor thanks for not being there when I needed you it gave me the greatest lesson of how to be independent.

You both have allowed me to be a more patient and tolerant person than I could imagined.

I hope one day you wake up and realise there is more to this world that drink and drugs and when that day comes please come and find me so we can enjoy life together, until then I’ll dream of what life would be like with parents to enjoy it with.

All my love Sarah ❤️

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Annie T says:

    Dear Sarah I felt those hot tears behind my eyes as I read the ending of your blog. Those familiar feelings of having missed out on the parental support , that feeling all of us COAS have in common. Your young but have the perception to know that if you have your own children one day. You will bring them up by doing the opposite of what your parents did to you. Build your resilience sky high it’s the most valuable tool you can acquire never stop building resilience. The dream of a happy turnaround for your parents is likely to remain a dream. But I hope that one day you meet a kind and loving partner who will make you smile and laugh every day. Meantime just remember all us other COAS are wishing you success in all that you do.
    Oh no more hot tears x Annie x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Al says:

    ❤️ Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Al says:

    Hi Sarah , just re read your post , I find it so brave and resilient. And so self reliant as we tend to be, expecting so little from others, but a lot of ourselves. Part of me feels so angry on your behalf- you did all these amazing things and they weren’t even there to see them and congratulate you.
    So very well done, making good things out of negative situation. Congratulations on all you have achieved you are amazing x

    Like

  4. Jody Lamb says:

    Sarah, you’ve come so far over these last few years. You’re so remarkably brave and inspiring. This is only the beginning of your life on your terms and your way. What a life you’re creating and what a gift you are to the world!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. James says:

    It is out of the dark, shine the brightest lights. We deprive our communities of a healing gift if we hide our wounds out of fear or shame. Keep shinning Sarah, you are the lamp on the hill for many.

    James

    Like

  6. belle says:

    Im very late on this but I can never relate to people with my home life and this made me feel hopeful for my future. Alcoholic parents can ruin your youth and make you feel like you will never be able to get anywhere, I feel stuck. They ruin your relationships and their own. This whole article makes me feel better knowing there are people out there making it out of these toxic situations and thriving, that maybe i can too. I really have been feeling like im not going to get out of this, like they are going to drag me down with them no matter how much i love my mother I cant do it. I guess sometimes we have to just let things go and do whats best for ourselves and continue to be independent, because we cant save everyone. This was very inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s