Today’s piece is from Sarah, and is a letter to her alcoholic parents. Remember Nacoa is always here if you want to talk to someone in trust.


 

Dear mum and dad,

It’s been a while since I last spoke to you both openly, to be honest I don’t think I ever have which is quite sad as parents are meant to be the ones you turn to for anything but with you two that isn’t the case. Iv been living independently since I was 18 but looking back I was independent since I was 13,living with you dad and looking after your drunkenness, I had to grow up way before I was ready, I won’t lie it’s been the hardest few years of my life but iv made it to uni. Are you proud? I hope you are.
Dad, remember when you used to go mad at me for keeping to light on? I know find my self a little Scrooge iv realised these things come at a cost. Dad remember when you used to pick me up form school and we’d go to the sweet shop then the park? I miss that.

Dad, remember when I was always a big dreamer and wanted to be like Britney Spears I would dance around making you watch my dance routines? Well that career didn’t go to plan, but know I’m at uni can you believe it? Me the one who hated school. I’m hoping to go into a career that helps children who were like me young carers. I still don’t think you realise what you put me through back then, all those sleepless nights waiting till you were back safe even if it was drunk then I never could get up for school.

Dad do you know how you ruined my teenaged years with your addiction I had to grow up long before I was ready but for that thank you, you taught me how to be a survivor, that life is god dam hard and the people who we think won’t let us down do. But dad thank you for trying you best to bring me up, being a single parent must of been hard, you could of given me up and put me in care but you didn’t you fought for me and brought me up until your addiction took over. I love you and miss you loads.

Mum, I don’t really know what to say as you have never been there for me you abandoned me when I was born and didn’t fight for me but thank you for teaching me how to treat my future kids when I have them. Parents both of you, thank you for teaching me taking drugs and drinking ruins lives breaks families apart and gives no one a life worth living. Thank you for teaching me to be ambitious. Your example showed to that not having an ambition for education or work is very harmful and can lead to not a lot of self worth. Your example showed me life is about choices and that I didn’t need to make the same ones as you did.

Thank you for teaching me not to be so easily embarrassed, you both have not made the best choices that have sometimes gone very public allowed people I associate with to know what you both are like but that has given me the opportunity to speak openly about how my life has been growing up. Until my last year of high school I tried to have a alter ego, people didn’t need to know the circumstances I was in in fact if they’d find out I’d probably of died on the spot because I created my self to be something I wasn’t I didn’t want anyone knowing of your addictions. In fact the one thing that kept me sane was thinking people didn’t know the truth, they probably did but I brainwashed my self in to thinking they didn’t.

Life is not sunshine and rainbows thank you for teaching me life is unfair, people disappoint you and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it, a lesson well learnt from both of you.

Thank you for not waving goodbye to me when I went to prom, thank you for not being there when I got my exam results to say well done, thanks for not being there when I didn’t see any light or hope in my life and I needed you to tell me it was going to be ok l, thanks for not being there when I go into university because it made me a survivor thanks for not being there when I needed you it gave me the greatest lesson of how to be independent.

You both have allowed me to be a more patient and tolerant person than I could imagined.

I hope one day you wake up and realise there is more to this world that drink and drugs and when that day comes please come and find me so we can enjoy life together, until then I’ll dream of what life would be like with parents to enjoy it with.

All my love Sarah ❤️