Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is the truth; you feel it in your heart first before it engulfs your whole body. That ache, that hurt, that pain. Nothing compares. So we block it out, we fill our lives with false happiness, endless routines and social engagement when all the while we still feel numb. Numb to happiness, just incase, numb to love, just incase and most of all numb to sadness. Because sadness is the truth now. The only truth.
Sadness is the only thing I’m sure of, no other feelings are certain within me. I’m not certain on happiness, on excitement or guilt. But the sadness remains at the back of my mind like a ticking bomb waiting to go off. To choose it’s moment when I cannot take anymore again. When the tears start to fall and there’s nothing you can do.
See, it’s the memories of the past that haunt us the most.
The smell of the alcohol, the sounds of the bottles, the thumps and the smashes. It’s the feel of the stickiness on your hands or the wetness underneath your feet.
The look on their faces when you know they’re drunk, that look embedded in your brain.
When you close your eyes at night, it’s not the shouting that keeps you awake now, its the fear. The fear that the memories will never disappear, always remain and resurface when you feel most insecure. But some of us keep that glimmer of hope, that one day it will be okay. That we will be okay.