I just know I need to break that cycle.

My story isn’t much different from yours, I’m a 32-year-old mother of one.I was the only child of a quick and volatile Marriage.

After my parents separated and my mother returned to her home town. She quickly found a job in a local pub and worked while I started school, I saw my dad most holidays.

I didn’t really notice my mum’s drinking until I was about 7ish.

She would not really hide it, but she would drink cans of Special brew, like we would drink tea..

I’m sure it gave her confidence.. but it was normal every day life.

She functioned reasonably, she had 3 boyfriends after my dad, but as you can guess they also were addicts, One of those relationships was slightly volatile.

When I was 8 she met my step father.. things stepped up a gear vodka was added in to equation as well as narcotics..

All this is normal for me, when I was 12 i was experimenting with cannabis.. on and off I was being bullied at one school, so I left and started another.. for it to be continued at my new school.

Which in turn, was brewing an eating disorder.

Mum’s drinking was over-riding everything, she did not hold a job down, nor did my step father, there was regular house parties, I couldn’t really concentrate in school, I hardly went, to be truthful. When i was old enough to drink.. I was a chronic binge drinker.. I don’t have a stop switch..

My mum continued to drink, take drugs etc right up until I was 25.

She quit drinking and slowly and surely her mental health declined. We have a strained relationship which I hope to improve.

As I grew up, at the age of 20 i went on to marry an older man who is 21 years my senior… who also slowly but surely become an alcoholic.. 8 years into our relationship i had a little girl my self.. my husband decided he didn’t want to live in a house and be family, he moved into a caravan. Looking back on things now.. He just can’t function in everyday normal life..

I just know I need to break that cycle..

Finding Coa has explained a lot in my character..

Here’s to the next step in my life…

This relatable story was guest written anonymously. You can find support as a COA at nacoa.org.uk . Perhaps you have a story to tell as a COA, or maybe a poem? If you have anything you would like to say then please feel free to contact COAisathing. 

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