Firstly, a quick apology from me. My life has changed dramatically this year, things have ran away with me and I have neglected coaisathing a little. I feel back on top of things now and have some posts lined up and ready to go, so keep your eyes pealed!
What better way to kick things back off than with regular contributor and absolute inspiration Olivia. Regular readers will recall the power in Olivias previous posts and this one is no different.
Remember, if you feel impacted as a Coa then Nacoa can offer help and support. If you would like to share as someone impacted by a parents drinking then please get in touch.
I stopped writing for a while. I couldn’t put into words how things were anymore which was weird because writing was my way of explaining, so the fact I couldn’t do it made me feel stuck.
It’s not fair how one person can install a fear so deep into you that it makes you afraid of every other person you come in contact with. Even people who are really kind and caring and it’s not fair that the person who did that was my mum. My family have always been the type of people to bring a negative to positive. Me and my siblings find ways to throw in jokes about things that happened in the past. We don’t get offended but laugh because we are the ones who have come out on the other side. We were the ones smart enough as kids to say enough is enough and to cut ourselves off from our mum which is rare for kids to do. My sister was 18 when she stopped talking to my mum and moved out, my brother was also 18 when he decided to leave and I was 15 and I’m proud of myself for it. It definitely took its toll and I was so sad but I didn’t give up because I knew I was better off and that if I’d of stayed with her any longer then I would of suffered even more. People say “oh but she’s your mum of course she loves you” but a mother isn’t someone who just has a kid.
It’s how they treat and raise the kid that makes them a mother and if she mistreats and abuses the kid then in my eyes that doesn’t make her a mother.
My mum doesn’t care and that’s fine. She just acted like she did when in reality she didn’t feel genuine remorse and she didn’t care about being better. The last thing she text me was that she has a great life so good luck and goodbye. I’m not angry. In fact I’m happy. She can continue to live her life and I’m going to start living mine they way I want.
Around a month ago I started antidepressants and they aren’t the magical cure. They aren’t sunshine and rainbows but they do make things a lot better. There are still the bad days and the days where I feel like I can’t function but now there are genuine good days and moments as well which i feel like I never used to have. People think antidepressants mean you can’t feel depressed but you still can and it can still feel as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders but you just cope with it a bit better. Don’t get me wrong I’m still sad and I’m still anxious but I’m not consumed by it. I’m working my way out of the hole rather than digging it deeper and it’s gonna take some time but il get there Patience is key.