Todays post is another piece from Sarah. Such powerful, raw and honest words. Sarah shows so much courage to lay out her truth. If you feel affected by what you have read then remember Nacoa offer help and support. If you would like to share as a COA then please get in touch.
You took away my innocence
You took away my childhood
You left me in pain, that I just can’t seem to shake off
The nightmares, they are all because of you.
It’s a game, that’s what you said.
Was the bottle of whisky more important to you?
Did hurting me make you feel powerful?
The truth hurts hey, but pretending something didn’t happen is so much more damaging.
I never told anyone what you did to me, until I didn’t want it in my head anymore, so I took as many pills as I could, did it work? No. Did I tell anyone I did this? No. Something else I hid.
Putting on a brave face had become my make up. If people looked at me they would of thought I was completely fine. Little did they know. Mentally I was breaking. But trauma is stronger then any mask. It’s the revenant that won’t stop, the ghost that’s always coming for you. The nightmares, the intrusions, the hiding, the doubts, the confusion, the self-blame, the suicidal ideation—they didn’t go away just because I buried my childhood trauma , my face. The nightmares, the intrusions, the hiding, the doubts, the confusion, the self-blame, the suicidal ideation—they followed. It didn’t matter how far I ran or what I achieved or who I was with—they followed.
It took all the strength I had, to report childhood abuse, it took people walking away from me because they couldn’t cope with my truth for me to hit rock bottom, but also to learn those people still cared.
You tired to break me, but that heartbroken little 8 year old, is graduating from university.
You didn’t break me, you just taught me how to be strong when I had no other choice.