I Was Brave.

This piece has been sent in to be posted anonymously and brings new meaning to what it is to be brave. To put this down in writing and then to share on this platform in the hope it may help others shows true courage. 

Nacoa offer a vital first point of contact to anyone who feels they have been affected by a parents drinking. If you would like to share as the child of an alcoholic then please get in touch. 

“You carry too much shit from the past..”

-But I was brave.

When you beat the shit into me on a daily basis. – I was brave.

How you’d make me flinch then back hand me in the mouth for flinching? – I was brave.

How I was so fucking terrified of you,I couldn’t even tell u the times I was sexually assaulted during my teens. – I was brave.

Remember the times I’d be beat down all the way to the floor and you would still punch,kick & stamp on me until you was out of breath? – I was brave.

Or the times you would rip my hair from my scalp,and I’d whince from the painful lumps when brushing my hair. – I was brave.

Or the times you’d hold my throat so hard for so long I actually believed I was going to die,sometimes I wish you’d just do it already, why is she dragging this out? Just kill me already, get it over with! – I was brave.

Did your actions empower you?
It worked! I was pretty fucking scared of you as a child – But now, now I’m brave.

You lost a daughter through no fault of your own, you beat every ounce of confidence out of me and My sister, she’s washed her hands of you – she was brave.

So yes mum, I carry too much shit of the past around & it’s fucking heavy – But I AM brave!

4 Comments Add yours

  1. perfectlyimperfect12blog says:

    I feel this so much x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. E says:

    Love your honesty. I hear yr pain in every word . My history not as dark but easily could have been. Massive respect x


  3. Multifemme says:

    Omg you have been through so much. Hope you are ok. Amazing you are still alive. Amazing I am alive too as similar things happened are happening. Staying anonymous for now.

    Liked by 1 person

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