9 lessons I learnt being the child of an alcoholic parent. 

It’s the beginning of #COAweek today, and I’m hoping for a hive of activity here on COAisathing to tie in with everything else that goes on. Though I can’t promise it, I hope to have a post going out from here every night of the week. Fingers crossed I can achieve that. 

So to kick the week off here is a guest post taken from mayurimakwana.wordpress.com .

 1.  I learnt that some of us never really had a childhood.

Yes I was a child but most of the days I didn’t feel like one. When all of my friends were out playing some games the children of my age were supposed to, I was home. I wasn’t allowed to go out and play because I had to help my mother with the daily chores and just really help her, become a friend of hers when she had no one except me. She had a daughter who sacrificed her childhood, for her. I would do anything for that woman. Oh only God knew why I never really had friends and why people in school bullied me and called me a loner.

 2.  I learnt what it is like to be a mother. I became one.

I was always inside the four walls of my room. Scared because I did not have the pluck to visualize what I heard through the closed doors of my parents’ room. I had to take care of myself and my siblings. I had to hug them tight like a mother would and tell them that everything will be alright while tears rolled down my cheeks. They liked it when I caressed their faces. So I did that till they fell asleep and kissed them and whispered good night to them. And then I cried and cried and cried because oh God I was so afraid. But I was a mother of my siblings. I learned to stay strong when I was 10.

3.  I learnt how to love myself even if not a single person in this universe did.

I learnt how important I was. I learnt this when I was alone and felt like my parents didn’t love me, like they were too busy in their own fights to even notice they had to raise 3 kids. I loved myself because if I hadn’t who else would have?

 4.  I learnt how powerful imagination is because everything looked happier in my head.

It was so peaceful imagining how good my life would be in few years when my father finally stops drinking. When I used to imagine things like these I would smile. Smiling was so rare for me. I felt great knowing and promising myself that things would change. Imagination was an escape, you could say.

 5.  I learnt that I did not need to be like others.

I did not need to do what others did. I was different. I am different. Those experiences made me more mature than any other child of my age. Life is about learning after all. So what if I learned a few lessons before I was supposed to? So what? It makes me stronger.

 6. I learnt to let go.

I let go of things that made me feel less alive. I want to feel the adrenaline in my body when I finally let go of what scares me to death. When I finally leave someone I love even though I knew how much they mattered to me. Let it all go, honey. Learn this, don’t hold on to humans who act oblivious to your existence.

7. I learnt how raw this feeling called pain is when I looked in his bloodshot eyes.

They were scary enough to give any kid of my age nightmares but the truth was I wasn’t scared of them. I felt like I knew how much pain he was in, I knew he wanted to be understood, I knew he was tired of everything in this universe and how lonely he felt most of the times. At such a young age I understood what pain was.

 8.  I learnt that we are humans and we make mistakes.

I learnt to forgive because oh God when there is so much love stored in you why would you hold a grudge against someone? Forgive instead. As Rupi Kaur has rightly said,’The idea that we are so capable of love but still choose to be toxic.

9. I learnt that good things happen and bad things happen.

That hope is a powerful thing too. That if you wish for something with everything you got, it will come true. Let your heart hold fast for this soon shall pass. There’s another hill ahead. Never give up. Dreams come true. Have faith, my love.
(I don’t own the pictures.)

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Tracey West says:

    This piece is a great start for COA Week, thank you for posting it.

    As a COA myself, I completely agree with a Tweet you put out earlier today:

    ‘It’s OK to struggle as the child of alcoholic’.

    Just getting through the day can be hard enough and say learning how to be kind to yourself is one of the hardest things to get your head around.

    This is all great advice too.

    Respect and love to all COAs.

    Tracey x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. coaisathing says:

      Thanks Tracey. I was disappointed with the way the Victoria Derbyshire show went today. But 5 live was much better so mustn’t complain!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tracey West says:

        Oh my friend, my heart was beating a route out of my chest listening in. NACOA should absolutely have been mentioned as a lifeline to the viewers.

        It’s irresponsible for broadcasters to give media focus to COAs, whooping up a frenzy about how it is to get through the day, without offering them the toolbox of help available from the National Association for Children of Alcoholics and others.

        Let’s hope for better coverage from the rest of the outlets that feature it – in the meantime, know you are doing a sterling job Josh, well done my friend, stay well and keep feeding your soul with energy and love.

        Txx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. E says:

    Beautiful lessons. They’re on my syllabus too 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Chris North says:

    I have just heard about coa. This has opened up a lot of mixed emotions for me but I now know I am not alone. I am trusting this will help me understand why and who I am after over 40 yrs of questioning. Thank you and God bless Chris

    Liked by 2 people

    1. coaisathing says:

      I’m really glad u get so much from the posts on here. You’re definitely not alone

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Tracey West says:

      Hi Chris – I wondered if it might have been from the UCB interview this morning I did with Paul Hammond.

      I cannot reinforce your statement that you are not alone, enough. I’m so glad you’ve found Josh’s blog, it is wonderful and packed with things you’ll identify with.

      Nacoa.org.uk is also an incredible resource – spend some time looking through the Personal Experiences page.

      Tissues and cups of tea will be needed.

      Bless you on your journey of healing,

      Tracey x

      Liked by 1 person

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